Life With Big and Small

It’s time.

It’s time for me to be showered in love, eternal love, forgiveness and peace.

It’s time for me to say, “I am only who I am, and thank you for loving me anyway”

It’s time for me to thank the one that I hold the utmost respect and love for.

In other words, friends, I’m getting baptized!

Here’s some of what I’ll be sharing on the big day:

… I once again found myself empty. My anxiety levels were off the charts, my stress levels were literally and physically unhealthy, I deluded myself into thinking that I could live a life for God, yet keep a little bit of myself to myself. I was once again trying to live life on my own and no longer leaning on God for guidance. ….

…I’m ready to lean on God like never before. I’m not perfect, I never will be, but in the eyes of my God, that’s okay! …

If you believe in prayer, pray for me.
If you believe in happiness, be happy for me!

As some of you may know, I haven’t always been a fan of public education.
I had it in my mind that my two would stay at their cozy little private school forever.

Things didn’t quite happen that way, and although I was thrown for a loop and had to make some adjustments to my attitude towards education as a whole, we’ve all survived and are all doing really well!

Who knew?

Who knew that I would continuously be amazed by the care and love shown to my boys by their teachers?

I have been humbled by their grace, support and love.

As I posted here, Small has now entered the public school life and three weeks in, we are so happy to have made this decision.

First, let me start off by saying that his teacher is ah-mazing.
Like for reals.

The Friday before the Christmas break, she invited Small to visit the classroom so that he would be somewhat familiar when he started in January.
So, not only did we visit the classroom that Friday, but she had all the kids do a welcome song and introduce themselves to Small. Some of the SK kids came up and gave him a hug as they welcomed them to their classroom family.

On his first day, his teacher made a point to welcome Small into the classroom, and even gave me the okay to call her if I needed to. I didn’t, by the way. I wanted to, but I restrained myself. I slowly counted the hours until three o’clock and then I walked ran to the school to pick my boys up. I anxiously waited outside Small’s classroom door only to be met by a huge smile on his face. His teacher went on to tell me all about his day, and she also told me that she’d found Big throughout the day and told him that his little brother was doing just fine. She figured Big would be a bit worried/anxious and wanted to put his mind at ease.

Who does all this?

Teachers, that’s who.

And as we all continue the debate here in Ontario as to whether you support Bill whatever it is, or whether you support teachers or unions or school boards; just remember that in some cases, students are still being placed first.

Just ask Small.
He feels like a million bucks every time he walks into his kindergarten class.

Small is off to school!
Like, real school.
Like, public school.

Here he is on his first official day of JK.

He is so excited to be heading off to big school with his big brother.

I’m a mess.

But you all already knew that.

As a Christian, during times of tragedy or fear, I’m sometimes asked the question ‘How could God let this happen?”  I think most Christians have faced this question at one time or another.

Most of the time I can have a great conversation and can answer friends’ questions while staying strong in my faith.

This weekend, I’ve been having a hard time answering this question.

How? How could this happen? How could God not intervene?
Children died. Children!

Then I looked down and saw this.

This little bracelet, that says “watch for God” sits on my wrist day in day out. It was given to Big during our church’s VBS program and he’s asked me to wear it since.

Sometimes, I forget that it’s even there, and other times I look down, see it, and remind myself that God can in fact be found in every situation.

So I began to think.

Where was God yesterday? Where?

He was in the teacher whose instinct it was to tell children she loved them while hiding in a closet. He was in the people of the community who spoke about supporting and loving each other through this tragedy. He was in Emilie Parker’s father who spoke so eloquently about love and forgiveness in the midst of his unimaginable pain.

He showed up in the best way He could.

Through love; love in people, in us, for each other.

I believe that the children that died are now with Him. And even though I can’t begin to imagine what such a loss would feel like, I am comforted in knowing that they are with Him. It’s what my faith helps me believe.

I am also comforted in knowing that He dwells in people who can put an end to this senseless violence. I pray that He will grant leaders wisdom and strength to put a plan in motion that will stop all of this.

I don’t pretend to understand the whys and hows of what happened in Connecticut. The truth is I don’t, I don’t understand any of it. But what I do know, is that one day God will right all the wrongs in the way that only He can.

You may not believe in the same things as I do, but whatever or whomever it is you believe in, draw yourself near to that and I hope you too can help find some peace during this time. I hope you too can see that there is good; that even in the midst of pain and hurt, some good shines through.

So as I continue about my day, and because it’s what I believe, I wear my bracelet around my wrist and remind myself to Watch For God.

God will show up; He always shows up.